laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
