I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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