Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
