??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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