go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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