At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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