Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
