in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
how does that bad decision feel?
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