I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
