while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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