I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
