dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
