You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
