Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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