I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are the jesus of drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
