it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
