11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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