I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My feet surprised me
Randomize
