Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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