Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
