oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
