could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
