I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
