yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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