I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
