I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
