my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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