what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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