i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
