Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
