omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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