i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
