So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
