I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
