why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
