I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
