just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think i have herpe
just one?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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