im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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