you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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