if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
