I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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