Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
