Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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