"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
