So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
