I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
