My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
