drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
