I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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