Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
