ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
