My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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